How To Get To Love When You’re Not Feeling It

A husband and wife had been married for 60 years and had no secrets except for one: The woman kept in her closet a shoe box that she forbade her husband from ever opening. But when she was on her deathbed—and with her blessing—he opened the box and found a crocheted doll and $95,000 in cash.

“My mother told me that the secret to a happy marriage was to never argue,” she explained. “Instead, I should keep quiet and crochet a doll.”

Her husband was touched. Only one doll was in the box—that meant she’d been angry with him only once in 60 years. “But what about all this money?” he asked.

“Oh,” she said, “that’s the money I made from selling the dolls.”

You know, our goal shouldn’t be to NEVER argue or be angry or upset or act crazy towards our mate; our real job is to accept ourselves (and eventually others) just as we are! To define an emotion as intrinsically good or bad, loving or unloving, is to deny the existence of Love in its fullest expression.

What Is The Definition Of Love?

So let’s first define what Love really is … Could it simply be “an intense feeling of deep affection”? (Cite Oxford Dictionary)

While that is the most common definition and there’s no doubt that Love Feels Good, here is a slightly different and all-inclusive way of perceiving it.


If WHITE LIGHT is the inclusion of all the colors of the spectrum, wouldn’t Love be the inclusion of all the emotions?



Just as there are some colors we prefer more than others, there are also some emotions we prefer more than others. This doesn’t make the other colors wrong – it just makes them different.

We often make such a big deal about “Being Loving”, but that holds us to an impossible standard, and when we’re NOT feeling that Love and keep TRYING to get to Love, the very act of making wrong the emotion we are currently feeling, holds us away from it longer.


Doesn’t the God you personally know, Love you exactly as you are; no matter what you’ve done, no matter where you’ve been, no matter how you’re feeling in this moment?



So here’s a better way to get to Love — Make peace with how you’re feeling, right now!

Sit with this for a moment!

God loves me just as I am, so that must mean, where I am, is perfect.

(And God loves my mate just as he/she is too.)


In The Power Of Now, Eckhart Tolle says, “The moment that judgement stops through acceptance of what is, you are free of the mind. You have made room for love, for joy, for peace. First you stop judging yourself; then you stop judging your partner. The greatest catalyst for change in a relationship is complete acceptance of your partner as he or she is, without needing to judge or change them in any way. That immediately takes you beyond ego. All mind games and all addictive clinging are then over. There are no victims and no perpetrators anymore, no accuser and accused. This is also the end of all codependency, of being drawn into somebody else’s unconscious pattern and thereby enabling it to continue. You will then either separate – in love – or move ever more deeply into the Now together. Can it be that simple? Yes, it is that simple.”



Tolle also talks about using relationships as a “spiritual practice”; an opportunity to raise ourselves above the common judgement of declaring anothers actions as either loving or unloving. And if we’d previously set a goal to “Be Loving” and if we’re NOT currently there, we’re judging our own behavior as less-than the ideal too! But in Gods’ eyes, we are never less-than anything.


You are either in LOVE or on your way to LOVE.
So wherever you are is perfect. ~ ER


One thought on “How To Get To Love When You’re Not Feeling It

  1. Yes will say Elizabeth. their are people try to get love so bad always go wrong way. love is beautiful but you have to get right love. I have more love then lot of people.people always ask me why I alway happy with out man in my life.elizabeth I have more love then any in world. farm my children and friends. I love Elizabeth. God get you wisdom.

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